So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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