Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
