There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
