just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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