Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
