Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
