I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize