so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
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