I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize