i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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