i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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