that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
