i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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