That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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