i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
