There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
