I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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