sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
