i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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