He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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