You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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