Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
