I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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