I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
