I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
