OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize