Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
