I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
