whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
