She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
