The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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