Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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