Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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