hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
