just come out here and I will go home with you...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
