I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
