i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
