You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
