I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
