i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
