What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
