I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
