Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i drank out of a bidet.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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