I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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