No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
