He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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