Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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