Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
