You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize