next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
