Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
