Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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