I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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