Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize