those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
