I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
