accomplished twins. life is a go
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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