420 ftw
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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