fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
