I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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