but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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