In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
