last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
