she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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