i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
