we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
