apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is the high leading the old right now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
