Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
