one two three fourrrrnication!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
