Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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