i think i have herpe
just one?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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