Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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