I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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